The Witty Lizard

Ramblings of a grilling, drinking, black flag hoisting father and philosophical eclectic.

The Witty Lizard - Ramblings of a grilling, drinking, black flag hoisting father and philosophical eclectic.

Tag Archives: fear

Crazytown

I said I would get back to my personal madness later… It’s later.

I have really slid backwards lately. I’m drinking too much again and have generally been my old self, the one I don’t like (and no one else does either). I haven’t been able to figure out why. The divorce? The job? My relationship? I was really happy for like 6-8 weeks, then suddenly, not so much.

I don’t understand why I can’t be happy. I don’t understand why I went to a bar Monday night, it never leads to anything good. I just want to be normal again or at least as normal as I was 2 weeks ago. I should be happy, things are going well in my life (job, girlfriend, kids) but I can’t seem to grab on to happiness and make it last.

I am readingThe Heroine Diaries, Nikki Sixx’s first book. I’m really enjoying it, but holy shit he was fucked up. I will not pretend to be on his level, I’ve never done heroine. But I can relate to the premise of the book. The crazy shit we can do to ourselves as we sink deeper down the rabbit hole.

I thought maybe I was just sinking back into my head reading all the madness in Sixx’s book. But then I read a passage where he talks about Prozac saving his life and it occurred to me that I’ve been off my meds for days. I’m supposed to take them at bedtime but invariably, I’m out-of-town or just out and can’t remember to take them. So I took my pill this morning and I’ll be damned if I don’t feel a ton better. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe this time I can recover.

Hope I don’t fuck things up…

The Lizard, Happiness, and Me

Our new civic and scientific and professional life, though, is all about doubt. About questioning the status quo, questioning marketing or political claims, and most of all, questioning what’s next.

John Stuart Mill argued, “it is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied. And if the fool, or the pig, are of a different opinion, it is because they only know their own side of the question.”

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These two statements express the reason that I’m always at odds with someone, notably, my employer.

They are both taken from Seth Godin’s manifesto on the state of public education in America, really the whole of the western world. It’s powerful stuff.

My point here is that these thoughts really kind of sum up my entire journey through this life. I have always been considered a contrarian. I have always rowed upstream.

I wrote a lengthy essay about the lizard brain and the desire to escape its clutches. It is, unfortunately, the industrial education system that Godin talks about that have trained generations of people to embrace the fear, to keep doing it the way it’s always been done.

Herein lies my personal struggle. I always challenge the status quo. I don’t want to do it like it’s always been done. Please explain to me why always equals correct.

Thus, I have always lived life as a human dissatisfied. Stuck in my simple mid-management job. Doing things the way my bosses tell me to, sometimes.

Which is why I have struggled to stay out of trouble professionally. Never enough to be fired, just a level of disgruntled that generally keeps everyone unhappy, me looking for a new middle management job that ends up badly.

This line of thinking inevitably leads to one of two outcomes.

The first and most desirable is to find something that challenges and excites me. I won’t lie, the lizard holds me back. I’m afraid.

I know that I can get a teaching job, I’m a good teacher. Such as that is, given the state of my psyche and education.

What I don’t know, what I’m afraid of, is what else do I have to offer? I can’t write code. I don’t have an idea for a better mouse trap. That damn lizard.

The other outcome is status quo. Continuing on this path because I’ve always been on this path.

I don’t know which scares me more.

On the road to happiness, there are many bumps and turns. I will keep fighting the lizard and reaching outside of society’s box until I find my true self.

Good Morning

Sitting here wondering what the day will bring, I feel rested after a nice lazy weekend. This leads to the conclusion that it will be a great day.

Attack this day and every other people. Reach for your dreams and don’t let anyone hold you down; keep fear, doubt and the lizard far from your thoughts.

I do love the mood a well rested mind brings…..

The Lizard in All of Us

Why The Witty Lizard?

There is a condition in all of us referred to as the lizard brain that is responsible rampant disharmony in our existence. Here is a humorous and informative YouTube video based on the concepts presented by Seth Godin in his book Linchpin.

What is the Lizard Brain?

The lizard brain is the thing that tells us to do all the things that kept us alive for a millennium, the 5 F’s if you like: feed, fear, fuck, and feel good. The basic primeval responses to, well, everything. But mostly fear. When we were cavemen, we had to exercise caution. Chasing that 5000 lbs mammoth is probably not a great idea, he is big strong and mean, we might die. Although, if we don’t eat, we WILL die. Herein lies the contradiction.

We really want, even need to partake in 4 of the 5 F’s and we want to do it right the fuck now! Unfortunately, fear invariably fouls things up. We are afraid of pain. We are afraid of what other people think about us. We are afraid to eat something because we might not like it. Here lies an interesting phenomenon about the lizard, memory. Remember the lizard is only concerned with keeping us alive and happy. Everything that we experience is recorded somewhere deep inside the lizard brain, both good and bad. We want to repeat the good and eliminate the bad. Any animal can be conditioned to avoid the bad and find the good. Pavlov and his dog, mice in a maze, cattle at feeding time, these are all examples of the lizard brain at work. Thus fear is the number one motivating factor in any animals life, including humans.

Fear keeps us from giving in to all of those base desires. Taken by itself, that is a great thing, otherwise we may not have ever made it this far. But part of human nature is aggression and impulsiveness, you know those other F’s. The emotional response to any and all situations. These are actions that tend to fall outside of societal norms. The aggressor is thought of as the bad guy in most circles. Society has deemed impulsiveness to be a treatable medical condition. Humans want to fit in so the lizard brain throws fear at us, and in the modern world, acceptance is most people’s biggest fear.

Should we be careful or should we be aggressive? Should we be impulsive or rational? Is the best path to give into fear and tread lightly or should we throw caution to the wind and embrace our primeval side? That is truly a question each individual has to answer for themselves.

I have been referred to my whole life as a loud, obnoxious, boorish, overbearing ass. Basically all of the traits that society deems unacceptable but probably would have placed me at the top of the food chain 10,000 years ago. It bears mentioning that it is in fact 2012 not the stone age. Therefor, there must be some temperance applied to this battle.

For me, this is a battle between what society wants from us and what makes us great. Those things are at odds these days in ever-increasing fashion. Not to say however, that I want to live outside of society, removed from the world for the sake of my principles. Quite the contrary. I want to excel in society by not being afraid.

I want to seek adventure and truth without fear. I don’t want to work and have meetings because society says we should. I don’t want to fear my boss coming down on me for running up the score because it looks bad. I want to run it up because I am creative and bold and not afraid to attack. I’m tired of living in a box created by society. I want to explore new ideas, be aggressive, be impulsive, be spontaneous and not worry about what other people think.

Fear has been crippling the human race for eons. Occasionally, great men come along and jump out of the box. So that is my plan. I may not change the world but I damn sure am going to change my little piece of it.

Fuck fear. Embrace the base desires inherent in the human psyche. Think outside of the box and change your destiny.

I decided to call this blog the Witty Lizard to remind me to throw fear aside and fight the lizard. It is also to remind me to laugh at myself and not take life to seriously, we are just here for a short time, let’s have some fun while we can.

 

 

 

 

Another Day

Another day in the books. I had one of those incredibly useless days at work. Tasked with preparing a year-long plan for my class as well as a monthly calendar to begin tomorrow, my partner and I easily finished both by 11 am.

That is not necessarily a bad thing but the day held nothing more for me to accomplish. Which brings me to my point. Meeting and working for the sake of appearances is ludicrous and reeks of the lizard.

Simple fear. People are stupid creates. Everyone is so scared of, well, everything. Some primeval part of us that gripped by a paralyzing fear. It stunts growth and hinders ideas. Great men aren’t afraid to forge ahead, regardless of what might or might not happen.

The lizard brain pisses me off and I won’t have it anymore.

So it’s on to another day and more writing, much more writing. It has become a release for me, one I am quickly coming to love. I think the pace will pick up around here.

And away we go……